One day early. Buckle up, it's a long one!
Trigger warning: digestive & anxiety issues, medical procedures
Section One: Assets and Debt
Retirement Balance: PERA account $7,389.65
Equity: roughly $45,000 (house and vehicles)
Savings account balance: $523
'Secret' cash stash: about $800 between us which we pretend doesn't exist.
Checking account balance: $2,318
Credit card debt: $6404.47 🤯
Student loan debt: $30,593.72 for my associate's in nursing and one semester of my BSN which I have no plans to finish.
Current clinic bill: $814. I have about $620 left in my flex account from last year that I need to use so I'll probably pay this off this month.
Section Two: Income
Income progression: It's been pretty straightforward for me. I worked at McDonald's in high school (minimum wage) and came back after one semester of college. I was eventually promoted to shift manager in 2007 (I think $9.50/hr). I got my CNA license in 2008 and started working at a nursing home ($10.65/hr). Gradually increased over the years. When I got my LPN license in 2016, I bumped up to around $16.50/hr. Another bump for my RN license at the end of 2017. I started at $26.50 and now make $28.75 base. I work 12 hour nights so I get $.50 differential from 6p-10p and $1 for 10p-6a. This is considered a joke of a differential btw. We get time and a half on holidays. I do truly love my work but I'm so burnt out. I've been in long term care for so long that I'm not sure how to even do anything else at this point.
Main Job Monthly Take Home: ~$2700, more if I work a holiday or pick up a shift
Taxes: ~$700 Health insurance: $303 (family plan with high deductible) Retirement contributions: 6.5% of my pay HSA: $192.30 Flex: $46.16 Clinic bill payment: $100 Life/STD insurance: $54.42 Christmas account: $50
Side Gig Monthly Take Home: generally $0. I do sell some craft items on the side but I don't hustle.
Child support: supposed to be $531 but I get what I get most of the time.
I am married but we do not have a joint account. B's gross is $41,600/year. He recently started a new job and got a $4.50/hr pay increase. He's also a volunteer firefighter and gets paid once a year from that, although last year's check was only $750. He carries dental and vision insurance for us and has a flex set up, about $170/month.
Section Three: Expenses
Rent / Mortgage / HOA fees: $0. 2 bed 1 bath home we share with my daughter (Z, she's 8) full time and B's stepson (E, he's 14) part time. We own outright.
Property tax: $497 this year, B pays.
Car registration: $206 this year for my car, goes down a bit every year.
Home & car (3) insurance: $237, B pays. We just combined everything a few days ago so we might split this. ETA after getting the first bill, I will pay *$265/6 months* for my car and half of the SUV, about $175/6 months.*
Savings contribution: lol, whatever comes from my round up rule
Debt payments: CC bills $400, B's pellet grill $35 (was a Christmas present). B has no debt.
Electric: fluctuates with the climate, last month was $245!!! We are trying to figure out ways to reduce this. B pays.
Gas: $50 now on the yearly plan, B pays.
Watesewegarbage: ~$60, B pays.
Wifi: $59, I pay.
Cellphone: $290, I pay for 5 lines.
Babysitter: $180
Student loans: in deferment, not making payments
Meds: around $50, paid with flex money.
Monthly subscriptions: Hulu, HBO, Pandora, Design Bundles, razors, Netflix, Apple storage, NYT, Cricut Access, Disney+, Amazon subscribe and save items, my entire life, $250. I pay.
Amazon Prime: $124/year, I pay.
Pet expenses: averages around $100 between food, haircuts, shots and insurance for my youngest pup, I pay.
Car payment: $405.27 for my car. We paid cash for our used SUV in December, and B's truck is old and has been paid off for years.
Groceries: around $400, B tends to grab things here and there and I get the big hauls.
School lunch: free this year! Thanks USDA!
Extracurriculars: Z opted out of any extracurriculars this year due to COVID.
Regular therapy: nope
1/16 Saturday
3:30 AM: I'm awake but I refuse to get out of bed. Cruise Indeed and Facebook for jobs. I recently put in my 30 day notice so I need to find something ASAP. I've put in probably 6 online applications already. Print out two applications, three copies of my resume, and create two cover letters. Why do I have to fill out all my info on an application when they can find it on a resume? Get a year of a resume and cover letter making site for $24.99 because I'm terrible at both. Buy some new Brumates that I don't need $67.93 and see that my yearly Prime payment has been pulled. Watch YouTube and fall back to sleep around 5.
8:20 AM: B crawls into bed after work and snowblowing basically the entire yard. Cuddle for a while so he can leech my body heat before I go upstairs. I need to wash my hair. Fall into an internet hole of Facebook and NYT while lounging with the dogs.
Noon: B comes upstairs. I didn't wash my hair. We need some groceries so decide to drive the hour to the nearest town with a Walmart AND a Menards - it's the 15% off bag sale right now. Throw in some dry shampoo, brush my teeth and get dressed. Change the water jug in our machine (our tap water is sketch), let the dogs out and head out.
1:18 PM: Gas is up to $2.34/gallon. Cringe thinking about filling up the SUV. My car is a hybrid but doesn't like Minnesota winters. B and I debate bringing our cat to the vet during the drive. She has FIV and has been losing weight, but we decide against it as there's not much we can do at this point anyways. She's still happy so 🤷‍♀️
2:34: Check out of Menards. $99.15 on a new door lock with keypad, sanding blocks and paper, disposable condiment cups, and Armor All wipes after 15% off and B's $15 return credit that he forgot to use. B gets LED bulbs, grill brushes, motor oil, a door latch for our porch, something for his brother's toilet and a propane tank exchange. Only saw one guy without a mask, so I'd call that a win.
3:05: $15.98 after coupons at Joann's on more tumbler supplies (e-6000 spray, 5 taklon brushes) and one roll of clearance ribbon. Realize I have my Christmas money in my purse and forgot to use it. B goes to Harbor Freight for more tools he doesn't need and a sporting goods store for a gift card for his best friend's birthday.
3:32: We decide to go to Perkin's, hoping they won't be too busy in the off hour. The hostess is wearing her mask under her nose and I'm so annoyed. I have some weird stomach issue going on, so I just get two eggs and toast. B tells me he should be able to get the first COVID shot this week, and I tell him I still haven't changed my mind (we both already had COVID during an outbreak at our workplace). I've been 'not preventing' pregnancy for almost two years. At this point, I'm too anxious to get the vaccine, and there is just not enough data available on pregnant/TTC women to change my mind. My time limit is my birthday, so if I'm not pregnant by then I'll be getting the vaccine in August. $28.87 +$5 tip.
4:47: Check out of Walmart with wet cat food, pop, milk, butter, Mac and cheese, cereal, snacks for the kiddo, chips, ketchup, tator tots, Gatorade, Hawaiian Punch and deli meat. $88.65. Every time I ask B if we need something, he says we have it at home. Also, no grapes? Usually a Walmart trip sends me into an anxiety attack but the store is pretty empty today.
5:09: My favorite stop of the day: the liquor store. The store at home is so crazy expensive so this is a treat. I get Truly Iced Tea and two different kinds of hard coffee to try for $41.91. B picks up three cases of beer.
5:18: B stops for gas ($37 🥴) and we head for home. Buy some vape juice online, $86.59. Yeah yeah, I know. My gut hurts, I'm super bloated and I just want to nap. We talk about our options regarding my medical procedure that is coming up and decide to try and get it done while we're still on my work insurance. I had a positive FIT test so now I have to have a colonoscopy. I'll end up maxing out the deductible but I'll get it half off if we can pay the bill within 30 days. I'll get my PTO paid out at the end of my 30 day notice, so we should be able to swing it. Not really sure we have a great option at this point as B doesn't want me to take on another payment. He is so anti debt, and I have $6500 in CC debt. We are opposites in so many ways.
6:20: Get home and unload the SUV. The dogs are going WILD. I feel like garbage and immediately get into pajamas. Give the cat a can of wet food and she eats a few bites. I still can't find a type she really enjoys. I also hook up the drinking water fountain I bought for her a few days ago. B installs the new door lock and I'm thrilled to have a keypad again. The old one stopped working a few months ago. Pay an invoice for a bulk order of keychain tassels from a wholesale group, $19. Basically do nothing for the rest of the night.
9:45: I'm falling asleep in my recliner. I decide to do my nighttime routine (rinse face, No7 HydraLuminous Gel Cream, Algenist Complete Renewal Eye Balm) and go to bed in hopes of feeling better tomorrow. I skip brushing my teeth because I'm nursing a ginger ale. Watch some YouTube and fall asleep around 10:30.
Daily total: $478.07
1/17 Sunday
2:09 AM: I wake up for the second time tonight with nightmares. I rarely have them so I'm annoyed. B isn't in bed to cuddle with either. I go upstairs to use the bathroom and find him in his recliner. Realize I forgot to take my meds last night (antidepressant, probiotic, omeprazole, hair skin & nail vitamin, Lysine supplements, allergy pill) so grab those along with two Goli gummies and a lorazepam to help me calm down. My gut still hurts, and I'm so over this. Browse the internet and watch YouTube again to fall asleep.
3:55: Wake up to stomach cramps and know my colon is going to empty itself out. Park myself in the bathroom for half an hour and try not to pass out. I'm not sure if it's just IBS or something worse going on, but I'm glad I'm getting it checked out.
7:17: Still awake. I am stressed by the potential of not having a job for a few weeks, my health, and the current state of everything else in the world. Decide to compound this by opening my NYT app. I am so hopeful Joe can start turning things around.
12:17 PM: I must have finally fallen asleep because B comes down to ask if I want to go to South Dakota today. We check out local case rates by county and decide we are probably safe. We are about the only ones who wear our masks in public over there. I must admit that going through this pandemic feels much different out here in the boonies than it does in the city. We had a large surge in cases for about 4 weeks in November-December, and now we are back down to about 2-3 new cases a day. Our local businesses work hard to keep us safe, in part because they don't want to be known as the place so-and-so got COVID. Ah, small town gossip. We do our part try to support them as we really can't afford to lose any businesses in our area. I shoot a text to Z's dad to confirm I'm picking her up in the morning.
1:28: I finally get out of bed and wash my hair, which is my least favorite chore. I brush it out before my shower, use some Head and Shoulders 2 in 1 to combat my winter dry scalp, finish it off with SheaMoisture Purple Rice Water conditioner. I decide to heat style it today, so I use two heat protection sprays. To brush, wash, condition, brush again, dry and curl my hair takes 1.5 hours. Now I remember why I never do this.
3:30: We hide in the corner of the bar for the meat raffle. I really love coming here because the money they raise goes to local charities. We also have drinks and supper. I get a BLT chicken wrap, and we win 3 free drink tickets. We head out around 6. $50 + $10 tip, this comes out of my Christmas money. B goes to the drivethru on our way home and gets me a frozen hot chocolate. Yuuuum.
8:45: For some reason I can't keep all the school calendar changes straight. Z was supposed to be off tomorrow, but I just realized she does have school. I message Z's teacher to let her know Z won't be there, since she has her yearly physical tomorrow after being rescheduled 3 times. Do a quick nighttime routine, take my meds and head downstairs for YouTube and sleep. Hoping for a decent night of it!
Daily total: $60
1/18 Monday
3:05 AM: I'm awake, but for no particular reason this time. Working the night shift really messes with your sleeping schedule. I must have been snoring because B has gone upstairs to sleep in E's room. I clean the litter box and decide to fire up my laptop and Cricut machine to get some projects done I've been procrastinating. I finish a water bottle for B, a stash jar for a friend, create a couple Valentine's mock ups for my business page and seal some glitter signs. I grab a couple SVGs on Etsy $1.38. My mom sees my Snapchat and we message over the woes of insomnia.
6:20: I have come to the realization that buying craft items and actually using them are two separate hobbies. I lay in bed with the cat and doze.
8:40: Leave the house to go pick up Z. Her dad lives about 25 minutes away. On the way home we stop at Casey's for random snacks, $7.64. The clinic calls and we schedule my colonoscopy for Thursday. I have to get some blood drawn later this morning when I bring Z to her appointment. I also have to have a CT with contrast so I'll figure out when I can get that done as well. I take a quick body shower when we get home.
10:55: Bring Z to her well child check-up. I think they asked us about 100 questions, and some of them were super weird for an 8 year old. She finally gets her flu shot and only spills a few tears. No major issues so that's a win! She does miss a few sounds on her hearing test, but we decide to just watch it for now. I get my blood drawn when we're done with her appointment and talk to the radiologist about my CT. He says my prior authorization hasn't gone through yet and he'll call me when we can get it scheduled. We're both hopeful it can get done tomorrow. Then I talk to the surgical nurse to get my pre-op instructions. Finally leave the clinic around 12:45. Pick up my surgical prep from the drugstore, $52.06 (!!!) from my flex account. Z requests cheese pizza for lunch so I oblige.
1:17 PM: I get a call about a job and set up an interview for Wednesday afternoon.
4:10: I bring Z down to the local salon for a haircut. I can't go in (COVID restrictions) but Z loves the feel of a fresh cut so I don't worry. Her hair dresser is her classmate's mom and my old neighbor. $18 + $7 tip.
6:30: B has a fireman's meeting tonight, so Z and I have mac and cheese per our tradition. B hates it so we usually only eat it when he's gone. I make Z have an apple on the side so we can make at least one good food choice today. The Bachelor is on tonight! I usually hit the Reddit stream but I got a late start tonight so I skip it.
9:05: Make sure Z brushes her teeth and hug her goodnight.
10:20: My oldest (and crankiest) dog just cannot be pleased tonight. She keeps wanting to go outside, but it's cold and snowy and she doesn't like either of those things. Sigh. Do my usual nighttime routine, take my meds and go to bed. Fall asleep around 11.
Daily total: $33.99
1/19 Tuesday
6:45 AM: Success! Finally got some sleep. Good thing I woke up though, because I forgot to set an alarm. I wake up a very cranky Z at 7 and make sure she gets ready for school. We are very fortunate that our school district is small, and Z has been going to school in person, full time, all school year. She never complains about wearing her mask either. I drop her off at 8, then B and I bring our SUV to the mechanic. I think B is dropping me off at home but instead we go out for breakfast downtown. I have a pancake, scrambled egg and side of fruit. I hear the regulars (old guys who come in every morning for coffee) talking about signing up for their COVID shots. This is a good sign! B pays, $16.04 + $3.96 tip.
9:01: I get an email that a hospital position I applied for has already been filled. Dang. It's still snowing, so I plan for a lazy day. B goes outside to snowblow.
9:55: The radiologist calls and tells me we can get my CT completed. We decide to do it right away this morning. I run up to the clinic to grab my contrast drink and set a timer so I drink the right amounts during the right time frames. It tastes like flat, flavored water. My stomach doesn't seem to appreciate it much. Hopefully this doesn't become a problem when I'm in the CT machine.
11:00: Get my CT done. I get an IV in my arm and the radiologist pushes Lord knows what into my veins, but it makes me feel like I wet my pants 🤣 He lets me check out the images when we're done. It only takes about 15 minutes and then I head back home. I sit around with B for a while, then I go downstairs to make a few crafty things and fill an order. I put a couple more things on my business page as well. During this time B brings his truck out to the mechanic and brings home the SUV. They put in a 'Minnesota approved' battery, the repair cost was $220. I offer B half but he declines, saying "let's see what the truck costs first."
2:45 PM: I get so distracted crafting that I almost forget to go pick Z up from school. She gets in the car and tells me she had the best day ever! I ask what happened, and she says she didn't get strawberries at lunch. Oh... she was being sarcastic. She picks up her room and puts away her laundry when we get home. We don't do much this afternoon.
7:00: B makes supper tonight, nothing fancy. A chicken patty for me and corn dogs for him and Z. I'm staying away from roughage to make my life easier tomorrow. Z gets ready for bed and I tuck her in at 8:45. Shortly after, B leaves for work. I go downstairs to work on a Valentine's day order.
Daily total: $0
1/20 Wednesday
12:45 AM: I have spent far too long organizing files on my computer. I call it a night. I look up my CT report and it doesn't show anything urgent or explain why there's blood in my stool. Sigh. Normal routine and bedtime.
7:05: I'm up. IT'S INAUGURATION DAY! B is already in bed. He tells me he has the chills, is nauseated, and his arm is killing him. I tell him his COVID shot is working and bring him some ibuprofen. I wake up Z and she gets ready for school. While I'm waiting, I take a body shower, let the dogs out and feed them. Drop Z off at school at 8, deliver a Valentine's Day order (+$20!) and go home to watch the inauguration while eating mini wheats.
10:45: I watch Kamala get sworn in and I get tears in my eyes. Such a historic moment.
11:45: I make myself scrambled eggs and drink a Dr. Pepper. After this, it's only clear liquids until tomorrow afternoon. B helps me give my oldest dog a haircut. You'd think we were killing her the way she cries. She's been getting haircuts every 2-3 months her whole life and still can't sit still.
2:00 PM: I have a virtual interview. The job sounds so interesting but it involves a lot of travel, and I'm not sure that would work with my family. I pick up Z from school when I'm done. She tells me "happy Joe Biden day!" when she gets into the car. We talk about the possible new job and she's not into the idea of me being gone.
5:00: B leaves to go work on his brother's house. He's been there on and off all week. He also got the night off for his floating holiday. I take my meds early so they have time to get into my system. I mix up the colonoscopy prep: two packets of powder into one liter of water. I make dinner for Z while I'm in the kitchen.
6:45: COLONOSCOPY PREP IS NASTY. Like, the taste of the drink is so disgusting and it's making me nauseated. I know it's important to keep it down, but it's also important to drink it within the one hour timeframe. Uuggghhhhh. It ends up being one hour and 45 minutes. B comes home around 8:30 and gets Z into bed.
9:00: The best way to describe how I feel is early labor. The cramps come and go and are so intense I have to take deep breaths. It's so exhausting I end up falling asleep.
Daily total: $0
1/21 Thursday
12:30 AM: IT'S TIME.
6:00: I slept between bathroom trips, but now it's time to mix up my second liter of prep. Yes, I have to do this to myself all over again. This time, I have to make sure to drink it all within the one hour timeframe.
7:30: Everybody is awake and chaos ensues. Did I mention we only have one bathroom? Z is trying to get ready for school, B wants to shower and I'm, well, you know. I get my entire liter of prep down in 65 minutes. B is still not feeling well from his COVID shot.
8:45: I manage a body shower although I had to get out once for the toilet. I am basically a zombie at this point. B drops me off at the hospital at 9:10. When I get there, they are running behind so I have to wait half an hour before I get into my room.
10:05: My nurse blows my vein and I have a panic attack. We are starting this day off great. A second nurse comes in and gets my IV in right away, thank God. Things move pretty quickly from here. By 10:30, I'm in the OR getting the good drugs. By 11:20, I'm awake enough to remember what's going on and drinking water so they'll pull my IV. The surgeon comes in and tells me they didn't see anything abnormal, but they did take some biopsies so hopefully I get some answers. By 12:05, I'm walking out the door.
12:15 PM: I am absolutely starving. B takes me out for lunch. I have a tuna sandwich and a 7Up. Our total is something around $17. I throw him $5 for the tip.
1:00: We're home. We spend the afternoon watching movies and laying around. My stomach is still pretty upset from all the torture. B picks up Z from school since I'm not supposed to drive yet. When she gets home, she regales me with the tale of getting hit in the face with a hulu hoop in gym. She actually has a fat lip!
5:00: I get a jar of my favorite eye cream on a BST board, $20.
6:00: B heads out to work and I make supper. We have tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches tonight. Comfort food for the win.
9:00: Z has a quarter in her tonight. We play a couple games on her iPad before I stick her in the shower and then in bed. I promptly fall asleep in the living room.
Daily total: $25
1/22 Friday
3:30 AM: Move downstairs to our bedroom.
8:00: After work, B picked up E and they come home. The dogs are frantic. I eat a bowl of cereal and hang out with Z, since she doesn't have school today. We make funny drawings of each other and she reads me some knock knock jokes. I also get two more interviews set up for next week. I head back to bed around noon. I have to go back to work tonight. I have a block schedule: 7 off, 3 on, 1 off, 3 on, 4 off, 3 on. Our pay periods are adjusted for the night shift, so if I work the weekend that's my 36 hours for the week.
4:30 PM: I'm up. I take a shower and wash my hair. B makes pizza for the kids, another traditional meal timing in our house. He leaves for work at 5:30. I am dreading work. I have been exhausted after every shift no matter if it was busy or not. I'm not sure if it's my actual job, or just the night shift catching up to me. Either way, I'm looking forward to a new position. Also, getting ready for work is a chore these days. I use Fog Block on my glasses, then put side shields on. I hook my two masks up to my ear savers. Then I find two bottles of hand sanitizer and two pens to put in my pockets because I always lose one somewhere along the way. I pack my bag (water bottle, energy drink, iPad, shoes, snacks and supper) and start my car. I say bye to the kids and head out at 5:45.
6:00: Work is already a shit show and I just clocked in 5 minutes ago. I'm so annoyed and I just don't want to be here. But you better believe I'm going to suck it up and be happy for my residents. They are usually pretty happy to see me after my long stretch off.
11:45: I buckle up for what's going to be a very long shift.
Daily total: $0
Weekly total: $597.09
Food + Drink: $177.07
Fun / Entertainment: $60
Home + Health: $203.44
Clothes + Beauty: $45
Transport: $0
Other: $111.58
Reflection: This was a normal week considering its events. Obviously I don't usually buy a new door lock, and I typically only stock up on vape juice every 6 months or so. I'm heavily into my depression spending, but with everything going on in the world I've cut myself some slack. I'm only going to live once! *ETA our cat passed away this evening, 1/25. We are very sad but are happy we got to give her a good life for the last 3 years.

At initial posting, I don't expect this to be complete. I think the first few times I posted these options as comment replies it took a few helpful users to get all of them down. This will be actively updated for at least a little while so if you remember one I've forgotten or have corrections or sources that would improve the writeup as a whole, feel free to post as comments or DM me and we'll address them. I only got seven and I swear at one point I had at least eight.
This comes up a lot and I'm tired of typing the same replies every time, so now I'll be able to link this steaming pile of word shit. There are going to be a lot of words here partly because there need to be and partly because I like to hear myself talk. You don't get a BLUF or TLDR. Suck it up, Buttercup.
Let's knock some basics out of the way before we get to our options.
I want to buy an AR receiver but I'm under 21. Can I receive it from an FFL?
Good for you. You cannot. An FFL cannot transfer a lower receiver to an individual under 21.
What? But why?!
From the ATF: "A frame or receiver is a type of firearm “other than a shotgun or rifle” and the transfer by a licensee to an individual less than 21 years of age would be prohibited."
But I live in insert free state here.
Shoot! I forgot the part where state law trumps federal law. You can stop reading here. You beat me.
But I'm going to build a rifle with a barrel >=16" and that's legal for me!
Tough titties because that doesn't matter for the transferring FFL.
But my receiver isn't stripped, it's a complete receiver with a stock on it!
Tough titties because until a barreled upper receiver has been attached, it's still just a receiver. This is the other side of the coin that lets you buy a complete receiver with a stock, remove the stock and attach a <16" barreled upper, and still legally have a pistol.
This is unfair!
No shit. This is gun control in action. Now that you can vote, vote. I don't like it either but it's the law, so let's work around it.
Can I have my friend/older sibling/parents pick it up for me?
Kinda sorta maybe. Depending on the state, relationship, and arrangement this goes from a light grey area to a dark black area. We'll come back to this.
Can I have my FFL just attach my upper?
Hey asshole, wait until we get to the list.
I can't use any of your options because I live in insert unfree state here. Can I just go buy one in a different state?
No. As a general rule you can buy long guns (complete shotguns and rifles) from states you are not a resident of from an FFL but they must be legal in your home state. You cannot receive handguns or receivers outside of your state of residence. Sure you could purchase the receiver but it would have to be shipped to an FFL in your state of residence and then you're back in the same boat. You also cannot purchase any firearm in a private sale outside of your state of residence.
These options have varying degrees of cost, time, skill, and legality involved. There will also be state-specific restrictions. I will do my best to note those but I do not live in every state and I don't care to learn the fine details of every state's laws. It is up to you to learn your specific laws and choose how to comply with them. These options are listed in no particular order. One option being listed before another does not mean it is faster, cheaper, easier, or more legal.
1) Wait until you're 21
This is a shitty option so let's get it out of the way first. It's going to be time consuming and boring. At least it's free and legal.
2) D.I.Y.
I'm going to lump all the spooky ghost guns in here. Some states are starting to pass laws against home made guns. This is when you get to weigh things like "how do they prove it?" and "how likely am I to get caught?" I would totally never advocate anything but 100% compliance with the law as written but you're mostly free men and women so who am I to tell you how to live.
The two most common choices for ARs are 3D printing and 80% lowers. For a relatively small (compared to the hobby as a whole) investment it tooling, you'll be able to make/complete your own receivers at home. All the armchair attorneying surrounding selling them later, having someone else finish them for you, borrowing tooling, etc. can be saved for later. That's not particularly relevant here.
There are some other cool options like the Flat Spot kit that has you weld sheets of steel together to make a receiver. If you're real crafty, you can do things like melt cans into a block and then machine it before stepping up your game to melting spent brass into a block before machining it.
Any of these will take some degree of skill and your finished product can range from "damn that's nice!" to "literally unusable, try again but be better."
3) Private sales
This is heavily state dependent. If your state has universal background checks and/or does not permit the ownership of handguns by those under 21 (not even sure if that's a thing) go ahead and just skip to 4.
If your state does allow private sales then you should be able to legally purchase a receiver in one. Using your favorite marketplace app or gun show is probably your best bet. Meet up with the stranger you found online, give them cash, receive product. Use all proper prudence when it comes to your own safety.
As a note about gun shows, there is no "gun show loophole." Many sellers at gun shows are FFLs and still will not be able to sell to you. You'll need to find a private individual.
This option should be fairly easy but you have to do the legwork and it carries some degree of risk.
4) Type 07 FFL
Here's the ATF's list of FFL types.
Remember when you tried to steal my thunder at the beginning and asked about having your dealer turn your receiver into a complete firearm for you? Now is the time for that.
There's a good chance that your friendly Mom and Pop Gun Shop just holds a Type 01, "Dealer in Firearms Other Than Destructive Devices." They're licensed to sell firearms, but not to manufacture firearms. Turning a complete receiver into a complete rifle is physically as easy as putting a complete upper on it and pushing two pins but legally is more complex. Mom and Pop should not legally do this and transfer it to you without also holding a Type 07.
A Type 07 is a "Manufacturer of Firearms Other Than Destructive Devices." These folks would be able to legally "complete" your rifle for you. I don't know if you can hold a 07 without also holding a 01 but in this case I assume they need both, otherwise your 07 would need to transfer the complete rifle to a 01 to transfer to you.
There's going to be some extra cost and work here for you. CALL YOUR DAMN 07 BEFORE YOU ORDER TO MAKE SURE THEY'RE WILLING TO DO THIS!!
I don't hold a 07 (or 01) so this next part is a bit of half remembered reading on my part. First, I'm pretty sure the 07 that completes the rifle will need to engrave/stamp their information on the lower in addition to whatever is there from the original manufacturer. This means that in addition to the Spike's Tactical info and tacky "own the libs" unicorn, you're going to have "Jim Bobs 07, your shitty town here." Your Mk18 clone will never recover. Second, you may have to pay extra because your manufacturer is going to incur FAET (from TTB.gov). To add to the list of things I am not, I am not a tax lawyer, so I can't say how valuation is determined. If the shop charges $50 to attach your upper to your lower and add their info, is the 11% FAET $5.50? Any 07s, I'd love your input here.
5) Buy a complete rifle
This option kinda sucks but remains an option. You can buy a complete rifle, sell off every part you don't need to recoup some costs, and then build as you see fit. The big downside to this is that the lower may never be a pistol. Even if you take the stock off, it started as a rifle and is forever a rifle.
6) Gifting
This is when we get to the grey areas. Let's look at the text from the new 4473. Opening the PDF will show you the full form. Emphasis is mine, and the examples should help clear things up.

Question 21.a. Actual Transferee/Buyer: For purposes of this form, a person is the actual transferee/buyer if he/she is purchasing the firearm for him/herself or otherwise acquiring the firearm for him/herself. (e.g., redeeming the firearm from pawn, retrieving it from consignment, firearm raffle winner). A person is also the actual transferee/buyer if he/she is legitimately purchasing the firearm as a bona fide gift for a third party. A gift is not bona fide if another person offered or gave the person completing this form money, service(s), or item(s) of value to acquire the firearm for him/her, or if the other person is prohibited by law from receiving or possessing the firearm.
EXAMPLES: Mr. Smith asks Mr. Jones to purchase a firearm for Mr. Smith (who may or may not be prohibited). Mr. Smith gives Mr. Jones the money for the firearm. Mr. Jones is NOT THE ACTUAL TRANSFEREE/BUYER of the firearm and must answer “no” to question 21.a. The licensee may not transfer the firearm to Mr. Jones. However, if Mr. Brown buys the firearm with his own money to give to Mr. Black as a gift (with no service or tangible thing of value provided by Mr. Black), Mr. Brown is the actual transferee/buyer of the firearm and should answer “yes” to question 21.a. However, the transferoseller may not transfer a firearm to any person he/she knows or has reasonable cause to believe is prohibited under 18 U.S.C. 922(g), (h), (n), or (x).

So, what does this mean? Gifting is legal in most states. A bona fide gift (nothing in exchange) from another person to you is entirely legal. Some may only permit gifts between immediate family members. If you offer anything in return or their are conditions for the gift, it is not a bona fide gift, and the transfer is not legal. Giving your mom money to buy you a lower is a crime.
Now, do you owe your father an outstanding debt strikingly similar to the cost of a lower, and when he gives you the gift you remember to pay your debt? That's not an impossible scenario but it's pretty suspicious. Straw purchases can be tough to identify and may not be worth pursuing but they're still federal felonies. Be careful skirting the law. Especially since if you're not old enough to buy your own lower, you have a lot of future to ruin by catching a firearms charge.
7) Bamboozle the FFL
Find an FFL that thinks that a stocked receiver = rifle or one that doesn't know what a 07 is.
I'm not going to advocate for this one by any measure. Even if you get the lower with no liability for yourself, you screwed over your FFL. Still, I had someone message me that their FFL attached their upper to their lower and transferred it as a rifle. I have to assume that if they didn't add their own markings, that FFL was only a Type 01 and did a no no. I personally know a guy who bought a complete lower from an FFL at 20 because it had a stock on it and the FFL thought that meant it counted as a rifle. It didn't and that sale shouldn't gave been able to proceed.

At initial posting, I don't expect this to be complete. I think the first few times I posted these options as comment replies it took a few helpful users to get all of them down. This will be actively updated for at least a little while so if you remember one I've forgotten or have corrections or sources that would improve the writeup as a whole, feel free to post as comments or DM me and we'll address them. I only got seven and I swear at one point I had at least eight.
This comes up a lot and I'm tired of typing the same replies every time, so now I'll be able to link this steaming pile of word shit. There are going to be a lot of words here partly because there need to be and partly because I like to hear myself talk. You don't get a BLUF or TLDR. Suck it up, Buttercup.
Let's knock some basics out of the way before we get to our options.
I want to buy an AR receiver but I'm under 21. Can I receive it from an FFL?
Good for you. You cannot. An FFL cannot transfer a lower receiver to an individual under 21.
What? But why?!
From the ATF: "A frame or receiver is a type of firearm “other than a shotgun or rifle” and the transfer by a licensee to an individual less than 21 years of age would be prohibited."
But I live in insert free state here.
Shoot! I forgot the part where state law trumps federal law. You can stop reading here. You beat me.
But I'm going to build a rifle with a barrel >=16" and that's legal for me!
Tough titties because that doesn't matter for the transferring FFL.
But my receiver isn't stripped, it's a complete receiver with a stock on it!
Tough titties because until a barreled upper receiver has been attached, it's still just a receiver. This is the other side of the coin that lets you buy a complete receiver with a stock, remove the stock and attach a <16" barreled upper, and still legally have a pistol.
This is unfair!
No shit. This is gun control in action. Now that you can vote, vote. I don't like it either but it's the law, so let's work around it.
Can I have my friend/older sibling/parents pick it up for me?
Kinda sorta maybe. Depending on the state, relationship, and arrangement this goes from a light grey area to a dark black area. We'll come back to this.
Can I have my FFL just attach my upper?
Hey asshole, wait until we get to the list.
I can't use any of your options because I live in insert unfree state here. Can I just go buy one in a different state?
No. As a general rule you can buy long guns (complete shotguns and rifles) from states you are not a resident of from an FFL but they must be legal in your home state. You cannot receive handguns or receivers outside of your state of residence. Sure you could purchase the receiver but it would have to be shipped to an FFL in your state of residence and then you're back in the same boat. You also cannot purchase any firearm in a private sale outside of your state of residence.
​
These options have varying degrees of cost, time, skill, and legality involved. There will also be state-specific restrictions. I will do my best to note those but I do not live in every state and I don't care to learn the fine details of every state's laws. It is up to you to learn your specific laws and choose how to comply with them. These options are listed in no particular order. One option being listed before another does not mean it is faster, cheaper, easier, or more legal.
1) Wait until you're 21
This is a shitty option so let's get it out of the way first. It's going to be time consuming and boring. At least it's free and legal.
2) D.I.Y.
I'm going to lump all the spooky ghost guns in here. Some states are starting to pass laws against home made guns. This is when you get to weigh things like "how do they prove it?" and "how likely am I to get caught?" I would totally never advocate anything but 100% compliance with the law as written but you're mostly free men and women so who am I to tell you how to live.
The two most common choices for ARs are 3D printing and 80% lowers. For a relatively small (compared to the hobby as a whole) investment it tooling, you'll be able to make/complete your own receivers at home. All the armchair attorneying surrounding selling them later, having someone else finish them for you, borrowing tooling, etc. can be saved for later. That's not particularly relevant here.
There are some other cool options like the Flat Spot kit that has you weld sheets of steel together to make a receiver. If you're real crafty, you can do things like melt cans into a block and then machine it before stepping up your game to melting spent brass into a block before machining it.
Any of these will take some degree of skill and your finished product can range from "damn that's nice!" to "literally unusable, try again but be better."
3) Private sales
This is heavily state dependent. If your state has universal background checks and/or does not permit the ownership of handguns by those under 21 (not even sure if that's a thing) go ahead and just skip to 4.
If your state does allow private sales then you should be able to legally purchase a receiver in one. Using your favorite marketplace app or gun show is probably your best bet. Meet up with the stranger you found online, give them cash, receive product. Use all proper prudence when it comes to your own safety.
As a note about gun shows, there is no "gun show loophole." Many sellers at gun shows are FFLs and still will not be able to sell to you. You'll need to find a private individual.
This option should be fairly easy but you have to do the legwork and it carries some degree of risk.
4) Type 07 FFL
Here's the ATF's list of FFL types.
Remember when you tried to steal my thunder at the beginning and asked about having your dealer turn your receiver into a complete firearm for you? Now is the time for that.
There's a good chance that your friendly Mom and Pop Gun Shop just holds a Type 01, "Dealer in Firearms Other Than Destructive Devices." They're licensed to sell firearms, but not to manufacture firearms. Turning a complete receiver into a complete rifle is physically as easy as putting a complete upper on it and pushing two pins but legally is more complex. Mom and Pop should not legally do this and transfer it to you without also holding a Type 07.
A Type 07 is a "Manufacturer of Firearms Other Than Destructive Devices." These folks would be able to legally "complete" your rifle for you. I don't know if you can hold a 07 without also holding a 01 but in this case I assume they need both, otherwise your 07 would need to transfer the complete rifle to a 01 to transfer to you.
There's going to be some extra cost and work here for you. CALL YOUR DAMN 07 BEFORE YOU ORDER TO MAKE SURE THEY'RE WILLING TO DO THIS!!
I don't hold a 07 (or 01) so this next part is a bit of half remembered reading on my part. First, I'm pretty sure the 07 that completes the rifle will need to engrave/stamp their information on the lower in addition to whatever is there from the original manufacturer. This means that in addition to the Spike's Tactical info and tacky "own the libs" unicorn, you're going to have "Jim Bobs 07, your shitty town here." Your Mk18 clone will never recover. Second, you may have to pay extra because your manufacturer is going to incur FAET (from TTB.gov). To add to the list of things I am not, I am not a tax lawyer, so I can't say how valuation is determined. If the shop charges $50 to attach your upper to your lower and add their info, is the 11% FAET $5.50? Any 07s, I'd love your input here.
5) Buy a complete rifle
This option kinda sucks but remains an option. You can buy a complete rifle, sell off every part you don't need to recoup some costs, and then build as you see fit. The big downside to this is that the lower may never be a pistol. Even if you take the stock off, it started as a rifle and is forever a rifle.
6) Gifting
This is when we get to the grey areas. Let's look at the text from the new 4473. Opening the PDF will show you the full form. Emphasis is mine, and the examples should help clear things up.

Question 21.a. Actual Transferee/Buyer: For purposes of this form, a person is the actual transferee/buyer if he/she is purchasing the firearm for him/herself or otherwise acquiring the firearm for him/herself. (e.g., redeeming the firearm from pawn, retrieving it from consignment, firearm raffle winner). A person is also the actual transferee/buyer if he/she is legitimately purchasing the firearm as a bona fide gift for a third party. A gift is not bona fide if another person offered or gave the person completing this form money, service(s), or item(s) of value to acquire the firearm for him/her, or if the other person is prohibited by law from receiving or possessing the firearm.
EXAMPLES: Mr. Smith asks Mr. Jones to purchase a firearm for Mr. Smith (who may or may not be prohibited). Mr. Smith gives Mr. Jones the money for the firearm. Mr. Jones is NOT THE ACTUAL TRANSFEREE/BUYER of the firearm and must answer “no” to question 21.a. The licensee may not transfer the firearm to Mr. Jones. However, if Mr. Brown buys the firearm with his own money to give to Mr. Black as a gift (with no service or tangible thing of value provided by Mr. Black), Mr. Brown is the actual transferee/buyer of the firearm and should answer “yes” to question 21.a. However, the transferoseller may not transfer a firearm to any person he/she knows or has reasonable cause to believe is prohibited under 18 U.S.C. 922(g), (h), (n), or (x).

So, what does this mean? Gifting is legal in most states. A bona fide gift (nothing in exchange) from another person to you is entirely legal. Some may only permit gifts between immediate family members. If you offer anything in return or their are conditions for the gift, it is not a bona fide gift, and the transfer is not legal. Giving your mom money to buy you a lower is a crime.
Now, do you owe your father an outstanding debt strikingly similar to the cost of a lower, and when he gives you the gift you remember to pay your debt? That's not an impossible scenario but it's pretty suspicious. Straw purchases can be tough to identify and may not be worth pursuing but they're still federal felonies. Be careful skirting the law. Especially since if you're not old enough to buy your own lower, you have a lot of future to ruin by catching a firearms charge.
7) Bamboozle the FFL
Find an FFL that thinks that a stocked receiver = rifle or one that doesn't know what a 07 is.
I'm not going to advocate for this one by any measure. Even if you get the lower with no liability for yourself, you screwed over your FFL. Still, I had someone message me that their FFL attached their upper to their lower and transferred it as a rifle. I have to assume that if they didn't add their own markings, that FFL was only a Type 01 and did a no no. I personally know a guy who bought a complete lower from an FFL at 20 because it had a stock on it and the FFL thought that meant it counted as a rifle. It didn't and that sale shouldn't gave been able to proceed.

Part 1 described Kevin and Karen as nightmare neighbours with the payback i was fortunate enough to serve them. I know i described them as a “Kevin and Karen” duo but only mainly mentioned Kevin in Part 1. That was intentional. My interactions with Karen at that point were minor and i wanted to keep the focus on Kevin. However, this entire story is about that one incident where Karen steps up and takes things to another level, and i foolishly take the bait. Someone else in my favorite military sub quoted Mark Twain: “Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience”.
I also mentioned a conversation i had with someone, where the person described Kevin and Karen as people who maybe likes being the big fish in a small pond, and thus picks on people who are visibly different, just like them. This is because Kevin and Karen are both of African ethnicity. This part will come up later and will play a pivotal part in the story.
Advance Warning: please, please, please keep your politics and any divisive personal biases OUT of my story and this sub. I only mentioned ethnicity and gender because the story itself is focused on that. Im a big girl, i can take care of myself, if you’re a shithead racist/homophobe and cant keep your racist comments to yourself, feel free to shoot me a PM but stick to that and dont litter this sub with your trash. Mods, if this gets out of hand and people start getting rowdy, please include in your options the possibility of deleting my posts. Id rather lose imaginary internet points than be the one that brought a pack of idjits to your doorstep. But please. This is a nice community modded and populated by nice people. Lets keep it that way.
DA STORY
February 1, 2020
Ahhhh. February 2020. Life is good as far as everyone is concerned. Apart from that one time where Kevin tried to call the military cops on me for assaulting a superior (were the same rank, in different chains of command, let alone different branches, and were fighting voluntarily in a sanctioned, supervised match), we had no more complaints filed against us at the HOA office. He had to undergo plastic surgery, but that’s mostly because his pre existing condition of a deviated septum was exacerbated when i TKO’d him by slamming my palm on his nose and breaking it.
The whole world would change in a few weeks, but at this time, Corona was still just another new and exotic thing that doom and gloom tv pundits wouldnt shut up about.
As i mentioned before, i am mixed race: mixture of German/Italian/Scottish/Irish and Hasidic Jew ethnicities on my mum’s side, and a mix of 3 Asian ethnicities: Chinese/Japanese/Korean on my dad’s side with Chinese being the predominant one.
As for visible appearances, im over 5 foot tall, slight build, dark brown hair, and slightly slanted gray coloured eyes. My eyes, lips, and my cheekbones are somewhat Asian, while there’s enough “white” on the rest of my appearance to make someone think twice if im just a really fair skinned Asian, or a white chick squinting and blinded by something.
Why is this important? As a result of my super melting pot heritage, there’s only enough Asian in me that i only look Asian to someone who doesnt know me while im wearing certain outfits, or if i choose to do so. This is a fact pointed out to me that while being a technical minority, i never had to endure the true hardships of what its like to be in a disadvantaged group. I had the safety of benefiting from having the physical appearance derived from a hybrid heritage as a “safe haven” from bigotry.
Until the following happened.
We were at a Chinese cultural centre celebrating Chinese New Year. I went to the event wearing my favorite cheongsam dress. Nothing special about it, you see Chinese women wearing it at formal events all the time, but im in full cultural regalia and had my Asian on. Milena, my partner, couldnt get in while wearing Chinese cultural attire and had to change into a white people outfit despite me giving the Shaolin bouncer, who trained for 30 years in the mountains under a waterfall in the art of “punch-a-hole-in-your-chest-and-rip-your-still-beating-heart-out-making-you-wonder-why-theres-a-sudden-draft-in-your-thoracic-cavity”, the head nod and going: “She’s with me bro. Be cool, ayt?” I jest, i jest.
It was a fun time. Plenty of delicious food and i get to have my fill of real proper and delicious soup dumplings and szchezuan style red snapper. Plenty of little kids going around running to adults and yelling “Kung Hey Fat Choi! (Happy New Year)” and us giving them blessings and the little red money envelopes we brought. We got to see a lion dance. No, there wasnt a single actual lion dancing. Its a bunch of grown up dudes who dance and jump up 5-10 foot tall playforms while wearing and carrying a two person lion costume. Its pretty impressive actually. Go look up lion dance examples on Youtube if you want.
The problem started when we got home.
DA PROBLEM
(Im running out of original ideas for titles)
We were already in our neighbourhood and pretty close to our home. As we were approaching our home, we just barely noticed in time that the road is blocked by a double parked car. Imagine your standard residential street. On both sides of the road are vehicles parked on the street. This normally two lane road is now reduced to a one lane road. On the lane ahead of us was a car that was double parked. The car was off with no lights on either. With it being winter, a snowstorm actively raging + poor street lighting leading to near zero visibility, the roads slick from built up snow, its a miracle i didnt rear end this grayish/silver coloured Fiat. I had already downshifted to the lowest gear, and I had to pump the brakes while my other hand was ready to engage the e-brake, swearing under my breath the whole time.
This is the point where i should have stayed put and just called the neighbourhood towing services while driving around to find alternate routes to get home. But i didnt. My gamble on people being rational ended up being a bust, and you now have this train wreck of a story worthy of a Jerry Springer episode.
I got out of the car and noticed that there was a woman sitting in the driver’s seat. I knocked on her window and politely asked her to move her car so i can pass. She slightly rolls the window down and says: “Just go around me!” I told her this was not possible. My car is a Toyota 4runner, refitted for true off roading, and there’s no way it could squeeze through the gap left by her shitty double parking job without hitting cars on either side. I asked her if she can at least move and give me enough space to squeeze through safely, or better yet, park in one of the open street side parking spots available just a few steps away. In response, she just goes: “i told you, just squeeze through!” and rolls the window back up.
Now, im pissed. I whip out my phone and take a picture of the driver and the license plate. I was intending on calling the towing service and sending a notice to the HOA. This is when i notice that the back of this car doesnt have our neighbourhood stickers. I go up to her window as she was just opening her door to get out.
Bitch: did you just take a fucking picture of me? Did you just fucking take a picture of me?
Me: yeah i did. You dont live here. So youre actually trespassing. And you dont have any expectation of privacy in such an open space. So now youre in the wrong on both counts. Im only going to ask you one last time to move your car, or better yet, get off the subdivision before i call the cops on you for trespassing.
Bitch: (sounds like she was just waiting for me to finish talking) you fucking bitch! Delete👏that👏picture👏now! You fucking monkey!
i was pulling up my camera app to record her public freakout when she swiped at my hands causing my phone to tumble into the snow
Milena has gotten out of the car and was approaching us as soon as our body language changed. She came close just in time to hear this “lady” call me a “fucking monkey.”
Milena: what the fuck did you just call my wife? Dont tell me you actually did cus thats a fucking hate crime!
Bitch: you heard me. I called her a fucking monkey! Fucking monkey! Fucking monkey! Fucking monkey! You fucking people go back to Asia and do your pussy eating there! And take your fucking Corona back with you!
My partner LOSES it. It took me all my strength wearing heels, standing in snow and ice, to restrain her from going after this woman. At the same time, Bitch was also trying to get at Milena so i had to free up one hand to keep her away. Everyone was yelling and screaming at this point. One of our neighbours, Todd, happens to be in his garage. He comes out and investigates what is all the commotion about. Did i mention he’s also of African ethnicity?
As soon as i saw him, i called out:
“Hey! Can you get her (referring to Bitch) off of me?”
Bitch: wait what? Did you just assume he’s my friend because were black? Yo! Hey! Help! Anybody! This fucking (anti asian pejorative word, similar in context to the english words “chink” or “gook”) just called me a n123er!
It was at this point that Todd decided to slap her that caused her to shut up but continue fake crying.
ENTER STAGE LEFT, KEVIN AND KAREN THEMSELVES
They were both talking, demanding whats going on and wrestling Bitch away from Todd at the same time.
[They were both dressed in nice clothes, so im assuming they were headed for a night out with this mystery racist]
Bitch: this asshole (points at me) called me a n123er and then this other fucking dyke (points at Milena) slapped me while this f123ot traitor (points at Todd) held me down!
Karen: what the fuck? Did you fucking call my daughter a n123er?! We dont fucking do that here you fucking monkey! (Nature vs nurture theorists, here’s a case study for you). Fucking go back to China and go fucking spread your diseases there!
Kevin: (walks up to Milena and with hands up and forward, appears to try to shove her but loses his balance in the snow). If you ever hit my child again, or disrespect anyone in my family, i swear to God, I will kill you!!!
Now is my turn to be held back by Todd this time. I dont remember saying these exact words, im only repeating them verbatim based off how Todd repeated them to me.
Me: you’re fucking trying to have a go at my wife?!? I just fucking kicked your ass last Christmas and now you want seconds?! What, are you fucking insane or just fucking stupid? IM not afraid to die! Ive killed pieces of shit who are still better men than you! For work! How many fucking people do you imagine you’ve killed while driving a desk, hmm? You fucking touch my wife or threaten her again and i will kill you for free!! Then ill rip your dick off and beat your wife to death with it! Fuck it, let me go Todd, ill make her (pointing to Bitch) an orphan right now.
cringgggeeeeee
Yeaaahhhhhh. I know. Even I am cringing as i was typing that. I cant believe i said those. Seriously hope that Todd was fucking around with me, but i know i tend to go high order when provoked in just the sweet spot. The words are already said, and once its out in the wind, theres no way for me to make people unhear what i said and stuff the words back in my mouth. 10/10 would NOT recommend doing anything like that. One of the moments im not quite so proud of myself. Its not an excuse, but i only have 2 triggers that i know of: when someone presents themselves as a valid threat to my loved ones, my family, or my troops, either through words or actions, and when i get dehumanized to the point that im not even a person anymore but just another statistic in whatever subset of society that they hate. This messed up family struck Bingo! on both counts. I know its unprofessional and having a temper in the military, let alone as a leader, is a huuuge problem, and i am currently working hard (with good results) to fix that. 😅
While this is happening, Todd’s wife is standing outside their garage and calling the MPs. They tell her they dont deal with “domestic spats” even if its involving military personnel, instead call the civillian cops, and hangs up on her.
Cops come with bells and whistles 30 minutes later. By this time, more people/neighbours had gotten involved and managed to separate both parties. Everyone had calmed down, we were hanging out at Todd’s garage, K&K + crotch goblin went back to their house, and were all just waiting for the cops to come.
Cops split up and go to take both parties’ statements + witness statements. Obviously, this is not gonna be a he said she said scenario. There are plenty of witnesses willing to testify as to what happened and the words said. The problem is that there isnt any witnesses for the beginning of the confrontation. That’s when i remembered that i have a dashcam in the car and i left the car running when i initially got out. I asked for the cops permission for one of them to accompany me. I drove us to my house where i got changed into something warmer, grabbed my laptop, and plugged the dashcam’s SD card in it.
We went back to Todd’s place to play it in front of the other officer and you could clearly see by Bitch’s body language that she was the original belligerent party. Whats more entertaining was that her voice was loud enough to be captured by the camera’s microphone when she yelled the “Go back to Asia you fucking monkey!” line at me. Todd also admitted that he was the one who slapped her but it was more of a “hey wake up!” slap instead of a real one. He demonstrated using me as a dummy, that while holding Bitch around the waist from behind, there’s no way he could have attacked her with a real slap. This was again, supported by the dashcam footage.
The cops left when we told them were not willing to file charges and it would be a waste of tax money for them to pursue a “trivial” domestic disturbance, but i want copies of their write ups and their contact info in case the obvious liars cooks something up.
I immediately regretted that decision the next day i came to work.
DA DAY I CAME BACK TO WORK
Monday. 03 February, 2020. I walk into work and find several messages handed to me by my assistant. In growing urgency, they were all along the lines of: “REPORT TO THE BOSS RIGHT MEOW!”
I had a feeling what this is gonna be about.
I walk up to the boss office, salute, announce myself, seek permission to enter, and stand in front of his desk. Without being told to relax and have a seat and talk to me like an equal, which is customary for personnel at my level, my boss formally informs me that a charge has been filed against me, a trial is most likely going to be held once current investigations are finished, that he has a list of JAG attorneys that can represent me, and that if i have anything to say for myself, now is the time say it.
Quickly but concisely, i laid out the facts as it actually happened to him, even mentioning that i have a copy of the cops’ write up, my dashcam SD card as evidence, and that military police hung up on our neighbour who called them in the first place.
The Boss was nodding throughout this and simply said: “That’s what i thought, im afraid. Unfortunately, id still have to take you off of any leadership positions you’re holding until we clear this up. Take the rest of the week off, but contact this JAG lawyer first before you go and do whatever she tells you to do.”
I did as The Boss told me to. I contacted the JAG lawyer through our secure lines and she simply asked me to write my own version of events and the original SD card from my dashcam and have it couriered to her. I turned over the running of my daycare centre for wild and wanton man whores to my second, and left for home.
I went back to work the next week and i was puzzled as to what happened since i was expecting to perform a hatless dance in front of my peers and subordinates. I never heard anything from the MPs, my boss, or anyone else. When i asked my boss about it the next week, my boss simply told me that it was a “misunderstanding” and they werent actually investigating me.
The following i was not present for but i learned through the grapevine.
-all charges and investigations against me were dropped as soon as they saw what was in the dashcam and in my statement.
-turns out that Kevin is a bit henpecked from what it sounds like as well. Several rumours run that all the complaints filed against me at work, that happened in a personal context/setting, were initiated not by another soldier, but by a civillian closely associated with the soldier. Go connect the dots on that one.
-during this time, anti Asian sentiment was heating up because of Corona virus. There has been several reports of unprovoked attacks on visible (Asian) minorities and the voices of order were having none of it. No sane investigator would prosecute an Asian woman, who it turns out was actually the victim of a hate crime. This is important to mention because for the past several years, the attitude and culture here has been slowly shifting to focus and correct the injustices done to people of African descent. As a result, more and more videos and incidents are emerging of African descent people having public freakouts and getting away with it despite being wrong because they uttered the magic words: “is it because im black?” You make a big and public enough issue centered around being black, and people will back off regardless of whos right or wrong. This is NOT my opinion, but this is the public sentiment. I dont agree with it, as there are still a lot of injustice that needs to be corrected, and you can see the potential for abuse and misuse in ANY example of correction of flawed historical public policy/beliefs but the attitudes of the other side when in the wrong, or the belief that these improvements sweeping the country is an automatic “get out of jail free” card for valid offenses isnt helping either.
-Kevin turns out to have been the star of his own hatless dance party. Once they proved that he was falsely accusing me and Milena of assault and racial attacks, and that him and his kin were the ones throwing racial and homophobic slurs all over the place, he was charged with all the military versions of those offenses + conduct unbecoming and misappropriating public resources (for filing false reports and making false sttements. More on that later). He admitted guilty on all counts in a trial and had to: be suspended from work with no pay for 6 months, pay a fine and hefty pay reduction for 6 months after that, with all records being expunged from his service file on 5 years + 1 day after he has carried out all the punishments.
-it also emerged that Karen was present at his trial and broke down crying and freaking out at his bosses when he was pronounced guilty. She had to be escorted out of the base and driven back home after being dosed with a sedative by a medic.
Karen ended up being the breadwinner for their household for 6 months while Kevin was reduced to earning peanuts. Since her MLM and “fitness lifestyle” influencer job was mainly catering to military spouses, her clientele quickly diminished as soon as word of their misdeeds spread around.
Another result of this Rube Goldberg-esque turn of events was that Kevin it turns out, has been conniving with a local office supplier company and has been taking some pretty creative liberties with his unit’s purse. Policy for public procurement is that everything has to go through a fair and competitive bidding process where service providers and suppliers get a fair shake at hawking their goods and services. With some exceptions, the policies for procurement can be skipped, like say, if theres no other competitor available for that particular product/service, or the need for an item/service is urgent, the bidding process is always followed to the letter.
Being a morale and welfare and procurement officer for his unit, Kevin managed to get himself in a whole another world of trouble by conniving with several suppliers into engaging their services in exchange for some personal “perks”. Kevin’s Unit is hosting a Christmas party and giving away door prizes and holding raffles? He skipped the bidding process and sales/promotions review and went straight to the local electronics store. He goes and buys all the electronic prizes from them, and in exchange gets to walk away with a brand new PS4 Pro and a Home Theatre bluetooth sound bar as a “lucky customer” who won their “random” draw.
Office running low on supplies and may need replacing some office equipment? Kevin goes to a local office supply shop and gives them the business. In exchange, his wife gets to “test” out a brand new high end gaming/office chair and keep the product for “free” after posting a review about it.
He may have turned out to have chosen the better deal, but the fact that he skipped the appropriate procedures and personally benefited from those misdeeds is what got him in real trouble.
Its actually the office supply shop that opened up this can of worms for him. With the wolf of economic disaster created by COVID hungry and at the doorstep, the proprietor of this business phoned his unit and asked if they need any more office supplies or upgrades to their equipment. With Kevin being suspended from work, there was no one to keep a lid on things. His replacement was puzzled and surprised.
“Whaa? Youre not in our system sir. In fact, our system shows that we have always gotten our supplies from X company, the one that won the bid and weve always used. When did you say we ordered from you and for how much?”
I feel pretty comfortable sharing this bit of gossip. Its a pretty open secret by now at our base that some Air Force dude just flushed his career down the toilet and has a pack of investigators and financial detectives waiting till he comes back to work so they can dissect his life and spending, and work it over with a fine toothed comb. And that he just managed to get a slap on the wrist from getting into trouble, and that there’s no way he will simply get another wrist slap from this one.
Right now, all is quiet. There is that one odd time when we saw Kevin disassembling and cleaning what looks like a gun in his backyard. Turns out it was a very realistic looking M4 style air rifle. As a result, both Milena and I have applied for permission from the local representative of the government to carry personal firearms. We dont take well to threats or implications of a threat. Were still awaiting for permission to be granted but believe me when i say we have been upping the intensity of our sparring sessions.
I am hoping it doesnt come down to that, but were ready if it does. In fact, i dont want it to escalate any more. Im sick of it. Personally, i believe it wont come down to that. Ive been in plenty of fights and spent enough time at 2 way ranges. I know what people who trully intend to use a firearm for its lethal purpose look like. They dont go around brandishing a gun and threatening to use it, before actually using it. People who fully intend to use a gun actually go ahead and use it from the get go.
But on the other hand, i wont let intimidation tactics make me cower and unhappy in my own home either. Milena and I love hosting parties. Before COVID shut gatherings down, we just wrapped up a weekend by being the final stop for a small hen party. Everyone had fun in the hot tub and had a safe place to go drink and sleep. Our neighbours have also come to love our summer barbecue shindigs. I can grill a mean steak and my surf and turf platters are just raved about. We both kind of are the unofficial mothers in our respective units. Whenever a new soldier or airman gets posted to our unit, we throw them a welcome party in our home. We continued and brought that tradition to our new home. Right now, im renovating my basement to be a retro style games room with vintage PacMan, PinBall, and other arcade game machines in one corner, a shelf full of board and card games, a full service mini bar, and a computegames room in our library. Were also planning on getting a pre fab shed and repurposing it into an axe throwing shed. We want our home to be a friendly base camp for any weary/homesick soldier, sailor, or airman that we have come to love and treat as our own siblings, or in some cases, children. No amount of intimidation will stop that from happening or take that away from us. Well, COVID probably would if this shite doesnt get any better.
For now, this is the end of the Kevin and Karen saga. Lets hope there isnt any more. Especially since the last time i checked, i was ahead and winning. 😂
PS
Sorry for the late post, i typed Part 1 and Part 2 in one go with the intent of publishing them one after the other. I had to put posting Part 2 on pause because I had to do some fact checking with some people to make sure im not recalling shit improperly.
PPS
Welp. Apparently i suck at messing with people. My one and only attempt and i sucked at it. Sorry for the links, its all Rick Astley links. I was trying to call induce a laugh but foiled tremendously because of that stupid ass thumbnail. Im so dumb. Im sorry. I suck. Ill go ahead and send myself to the time out corner.
PPPS
This is so dumb. Ill just strip the links. Thought it would be funny. Sorry folks. I got Rick Rolled by my own attempts to Rick Roll you guys. 😭

Chris Ursul had always been a loser. He was the kid who nobody liked and he came from a broken home. Single father, and his mother died when he was little. His dad John worked hours and hours at a crappy job to bring in meager pay. When he was actually home he wasn’t exactly able to help his son with homework and stuff like normal dads would do.
Chris’s daily hell was spent in the evil clutches of Sanguine High School, and the meaning of the school’s name was was almost too close to literal since every day seemed like a bloodbath. If you weren’t in the top spots of brains, brawn, or looks, you were screwed. And Chris… Chris was none of those things, meaning most days the various jocks would shove him into his locker. Yeah… His life was just peachy.
Today was no exception, as he took a few steps inside of the school and was immediately pinned up against his locker by the main source of his pain, Jack. “Hey loser, hope you stretched this morning, because I’m about to—”
“Shove me in my locker, I know, I know,” Chris muttered half-heartedly. “Let’s just get this over with so I can be late to geometry. Again.”
Jack scowled and shook his head, “You think you’re so smart, don’t ya, Ursul?” he spat.
Chris winced, “Yeesh, Jack, say it, don’t spray it. And you also could use a mint.”
In the next instant Chris had been folded like a cafeteria table and ceremoniously shoved right into his locker, the door slamming and leaving only a small bit of light from the hall shining in on him. Great, he thought with a roll of his eyes, I’m right on schedule. And in fifteen minutes Mr. Gordon’s going to come get me out and give me detention for being late to his class.
Mr. Gordon, the devil incarnate in the form of a middle-aged, sparse-haired, pot-bellied man still clinging to his high school football glory days. Most of his lectures involved some sort of football reference like, if a football field is a triangular prism how high would you have to throw the ball to get it over to the other side and other things like that. He was also Jack’s dad, meaning Jack never got in trouble for making Chris his own personal punching bag.
While awaiting his daily doom, Chris was surprised when his locker was opened and he was pulled out and allowed to fall to the floor by… “Marissa?” he muttered in confusion.
Marissa was another outcast like Chris, the only difference being that she was intimidating and nobody messed with her. Most people assumed she was a witch and had dead cats hanging up in her closet. Chris never thought that, but he did still think she was kind of strange. She wore nothing but black, be it clothes, makeup, or even streaks in her brick red hair. She also rarely talked to anyone, and always seemed to have her nose stuck in her sketchbook. Still, she also somehow turned in her classwork on time and was at least in the top ten percentile at school. She was also… weirdly pretty. Chris had always thought so, anyway. Sure she was sort of dark and a little creepy, but… She also had very beautiful and sometimes intense army green with quite a bit of hazel in them. And she always sat right by the window, allowing the sun to hit her hair and give her this all-around almost angelic glow.
“Are you just going to sit there and stare at me or are you going to let me help you up?” she asked, clearly annoyed as she was currently holding out her hand to Chris, who abruptly took it and allowed her to pull him up. “Come on and let’s get to geometry before Gordon bites our heads off.”
She turned around and walked away, not even waiting for Chris to reply or say thank you. Weird. Why had she even done that? Either way Chris brushed the cobwebs off his jeans and out of his sand blonde hair before slowly jogging and making it to Mr. Gordon’s classroom. He seemed surprised that Chris was there on time for once and even shot a look at his son, who looked rather bewildered. As Chris made his was to his desk Jack stuck out his foot and caused him to fall on his face. The entire class excluding Marissa erupted into laughter, and as Chris got up wincing in pain he saw spots of blood on the floor and quickly discovered it was coming from his now possibly broken nose. “Go see the nurse, Ursul,” Gordon muttered, not even looking up from his attendance sheet.
Thoroughly understanding his day was now ruined, Chris did his best to get to the nurse’s office with his head tilted slightly forward and his vision impaired with the tissues. The nurse, a much-welcome angel in the hellhole he called school, was called Miss Anna. Miss Anna was on the older side, but she was just as bright and cheerful as a kid and was surprisingly good at relating to whoever was in her office. She also recognized that no matter how old you get you love candy, so she had a jar of lollipops on her desk. Chris was in her office a lot thanks to how often Jack beat him up, tripped him, and even occasionally shoved him in the basketball hoop from time to time and was very sympathetic to his situation. Sometimes she even slipped a homemade casserole into his backpack to take home for him and his dad.
Today was not one of those days, unfortunately, but Miss Anna was still just as sweet as ever, allowing him to wait out his nosebleed in her office before examining his nose. “Doesn’t look like it’s broken. That’s good. Do you want me to call your dad?” she asked, knowing full well what the answer would be. She just legally had to ask him that each time he came to her office.
“No thanks, Miss Anna,” Chris replied as he washed off his hands and cleaned any remnants of blood from his face.
Miss Anna gestured to the lollipop jar, “Go ahead and take a few. And keep your chin up. Only a couple more years and then you’ll be off to college, right?” she offered with a reassuring smile.
Chris forced himself to smile a little as he took some cherry lollipops and shoved them into the pocket of his hoodie, taking the wrapper off of one and popping it into his mouth. At least he’d had one good thing happen to him today. He waved goodbye to Miss Anna over his shoulder and stepped out into the hallway, coming face to face with Jack and his buddies, much to his chagrin. “Have fun in the nurse’s office, loser?” Jack asked with a smile. He pulled the lollipop roughly from Chris’s mouth and threw it on the ground before stomping on it and grinding it into the tile with his probably hundred dollar sneaker. Chris raised an eyebrow at him and crossed his arms. “Well good, because you’re about to go back there,” Jack sneered.
“Why, you gonna give me another swirly?” Chris asked with an eye roll. “And then leave me on the bathroom floor after I pass out from the blood rushing to my head?” He put up his hand as Jack was going to speak, “Or! Are you going to deck me in the face a few times until I’m knocked unconscious? And go home with a swollen black eye? No, no, no! I think I’ve got it! You’re going to string me up the flagpole again in the mascot costume like you’ve been doing on the first day of school every year!” he finished with mock enthusiasm
Jack scowled, “Well I was just gonna wail on you a little and then shove you in your locker, but since you’ve decided to act like a little punk I think I’ll just follow your suggestions. All of them.”
And so the senseless beatings proceeded, and after Chris woke up from the swirly he was knocked out again almost immediately, and finally shoved into the “phoenix” costume that everyone knew was just a chicken costume the school dyed orange and red and strung up the flagpole by the wings. And it wasn’t even lunchtime yet. He was ahead of schedule for the day. He also did manage to get after-school detention for being late to english, despite the fact that he tried to explain he was late because the janitor was busy getting him down from the flagpole. At least he’d have somewhere to get his homework done before he walked back to the apartment. First, though, he had a horrible and practically inedible lunch to get to.
The cafeteria smelled like the inside of a decomposing whale with a few million cartons of rotten eggs, and that was putting things nicely. It took all of Chris’s willpower not to barf each day and then some to stomach the disgusting slop they served as the free stuff. Of course all the good stuff cost money he didn’t have to spend, and he never had time to make himself lunch in the morning since he was always preoccupied with showering, getting dressed, and then making and eating breakfast. It could’ve been worse. Sometimes the cafeteria people were nice enough to include some seasoning in the shapeless and flavorless grey goop that shouldn’t have even been considered food that turned it into reddish-brown slightly less flavorless goop. They got cartons of milk… and Chris almost always got the one carton in the fridge that was expired. Today it seemed like it was more of the same as he sat down at a table by himself and opened his carton only to have the nasty scent of expired milk enter his nose. And the goop was grey and flavorless… Great. He mostly pushed around the stuff on his tray before holding his nose with one hand and shoveling his gross lunch into his mouth with the other. By the time all was said and done it felt like he’d eaten a block of cement. He tossed his tray into the trash and snuck out of the cafeteria so Jack and his goons didn’t see him.
Upon entering the guys’ room and taking in his jacked up face in the mirror, he sighed. His deep brown eyes were black and blue along with a few places on his arms where Jack and really laid into him. It hurt really bad, but as he always told himself, it could’ve been worse. He had a lot more lollipops in his pockets now, at least, one of which he shoved into his mouth right then. As he stepped out he bumped into… “Marissa?” That made twice in one day. Weird. She brushed a lock of hair out of her face and took in her art supplies scattered across the floor. She sighed and shook her head, squatting down to pick them all up. Chris smiled nervously, “Gah! Sorry! Let me help you with that,” he said, reaching for some fancy-looking metallic green pen. “Don’t touch that!” she exclaimed, eyes flashing with anger as she scooped it up and quickly gathered everything else up, retreating down the hall. Chris blinked and watched her disappear around a corner. Sheesh. Someone doesn’t like having their art stuff messed with he thought, feeling sort of weirded out as he started towards chemistry.
Chris’s chemistry teacher was no more superior than any of the others, but at least he was fair in the way he graded and his lessons were sort of fun… sometimes. Today, though, it seemed like the class would just be graced with a brief powerpoint presentation and a really boring worksheet and all the answers were contained in the powerpoint, meaning you had to pay attention or risk getting a zero. Despite his urges to start scribbling lightning bolts on his jean cuffs with his pencil out of boredom, Chris forced himself to pay attention and actually got the work done and turned it in. His teacher gave him a nod which meant, Do whatever you want just as long as it doesn’t involve blowing up the classroom. Chris settled for pulling out his dinky little iPod that never held a charge and put in his earbuds, listening to some music as he doodled in the margins of his notebook. He wasn’t much for full on art, but little stuff like this kept him entertained until the bell rang.
By the time the day ended Chris felt exhausted and really just wanted to go home, but of course he couldn’t until he served detention, which, as he luck would have it, was being run by Mr. Gordon that day. As he walked into the cafeteria the devil of geometry pointed a pudgy finger at the table furthest from the door. What? Like he was going to try running away from detention? He withheld an eye roll and took a seat, pulling out his homework assignments for the day and beginning to work on them. A few moments later Marissa wandered into the cafeteria and looked at Mr. Gordon, who only moved out of her way. She approached the table where Chris was sitting and took the seat across from him. Okay, so now she was showing up in detention with him? This was getting really weird.
“Uh, Marissa, can I ask you—”
“No talking in detention!” Gordon barked, silencing Chris almost immediately. He sighed and continued to work on his history assignment, but every so often glanced at Marissa to see what she was doing. Per the norm, she was drawing, sketching out a really beautiful hummingbird woman with some surprisingly vibrant colors. Chris thought she only used blacks, grays, and other assorted dark colors for her drawings, but these things in her sketchbook… These were wonderful. Suddenly she looked up at Chris, and he half-expected her to snap at him, but instead her brow furrowed and she pulled her sketchbook off the table, bringing out a black pencil and drawing furiously fast. He wondered just what she was doing, but didn’t think to ask. It wasn’t any of his business, after all. He’d already snooped enough.
After finishing his homework Mr. Gordon finally said everyone in detention could go home, much to Chris’s relief. He kicked a rock all the way home and climbed up the stairs to the apartment where he and his dad lived. His car had been in the parking lot, so he was home. “Dad, I’m home!” he called as he got into the door.
John poked his head out of the kitchen, “Hey, sport, glad to see you and… Oh my God, what happened to your face?”
Chris shrugged off his hoodie and hung it up, “Well, most of this happened when Jack and his buddies were punching me, but the big bruise on my cheek is from basically side-planting onto the concrete when the janitor was getting me down from the flagpole.”
“The flagpole? Again?” John asked in disbelief.
Chris laughed dryly and nodded, “Figured Jack wanted to keep that as a beginning of the year thing, but I guess not. Nobody ever seems to care about keeping with traditions anymore.”
“Chris, this is serious! I’m tired of seeing you all beat up like this all the time! I swear I’m going down to that school tomorrow to have a talk with your principal. How can they let things like this slide there?” John demanded angrily.
Chris snorted as he took a seat at the kitchen table, “Don’t even bother, dad, it won’t change anything. The principal is Jack’s uncle. He won’t punish him. Worst thing that’ll happen is me getting labeled as a snitch. And then maybe Jack’ll actually start doing things that aren’t predictable anymore.”
John gently rumpled his son’s hair and offered him the most comforting smile he could in his exhausted state, “I’m sorry, son. I wish there were something I could do but my hands are tied. Right now Sanguine is the closest high school to us and anywhere else would be at least a half hour away. And since I’m so swamped with work I wouldn’t be able to drive you.” He sighed, “You got your license over two months ago and I still haven’t been able to get you a car.”
Chris frowned, “Dad… I could always go back to my old job. Save up money for my own car.”
“No, no, no,” John said, putting up his hand. “I need you to do well in school. Do well in school so you can get a scholarship and get yourself a better life than mine.” He glanced at the family photo on the wall by the table and sighed, “I wish your mother were still here. She’d know how to get us out of this rut.”
Chris glanced at the photo and silently started wishing the same thing as his dad. His mother Annie was always the one who knew just what to do no matter how bad things were. Her sandy hair and sky blue eyes being shone on by the sun in that picture… She just radiated brightness and light. Meanwhile his dad… His dad actually looked really good. He didn’t have bags under his stormy eyes or stubble on his face, and his chestnut hair was neatly combed. Meanwhile there was little seven-year-old Chris being hugged by both of his parents. He really missed those days. Those days when his dad had a better job and both he and Annie we’re making good money. They lived in a nice house, albeit a small one, but his mom and dad had always said it was just cozy. And he was right. In spite of how small it was, Chris had loved that house and the memories he’d made in it. Making blanket forts in the living room… Having campouts in the backyard… His mom and dad singing Wouldn’t It Be Nice in the kitchen when they cooked. All of that… That had made Chris’s early childhood really special. But then there was the cancer, and it hit his mother like a truck. She went from smiling and laughing to stuck up in a hospital bed practically looking like a skeleton. It had broken Chris’s heart and his dad’s, and it only got worse after she died. Not a day went by that Chris didn’t miss her something awful.
“Hey, sport, guess what?” John said with that tired smile, bringing Chris back from his walk down memory lane. “Decided tonight was going be a special treat. So… Guess what I picked up for dinner?”
“Pizza?” Chris asked, having already smelled the cheese when he walked in the door.
John chuckled and brought the box out from under the table. “Lucky guess.” As the two grabbed plates and took slices of the cheesy greasy goodness, John muttered through his bites, “Do you have any homework?”
Chris shook his head, “Did it in detention.”
John nodded, “I was wondering why you were late today. What’d they get you for?”
Chris laughed, “Apparently being strung up the flagpole is not a good excuse for being late to english.” He finished up his pizza and wiped his mouth. “Thanks, dad. Want me to do the dishes tonight?”
John shook his head, “No, you just go on off to bed. I’ll clean up. Sleep well, okay?”
Chris nodded as he rose from the table and walked off to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Afterwards he traipsed sleepily to his room, shrugging off his jeans and replacing them with his pajama pants. Flopping onto the bed and covering himself with his old Tom and Jerry blankets, he let out a sigh. Today had been really terrible, but maybe tomorrow would be better. At least… He hoped so.
All through the night Chris’s mind was invaded by nightmares. Creatures of shadow and darkness all around him. It felt like he was awake, but he knew that wasn’t possible. Things like that didn’t really exist. Everyone knew that. Right? “Yes, keep telling yourself that, and see how far it gets you…” a voice hissed.
Chris’s eyes shot open and gazed into a pair of bright gold slitted-pupiled eyes of a man whose body was hidden in swirling amounts of shadow. He bared his shark-like teeth, and their glint was brighter than the light of the moon filtering in through Chris’s curtains. “Funny how things like this are always brushed off, eh?” he muttered, a forked tongue flicking in and out of his mouth like a snake sensing prey. “But then again… Some people don’t see what others can. That makes it much more… interesting.”
Chris’s mind began reeling, trying to come up with a logical explanation for what he was seeing and each time came up empty. What was this? Another nightmare? Yes. It had to be. What else could it have been? He was just dreaming and if he shut his eyes long enough and opened them… This guy would be gone. He clenched his eyes shut tightly and a few seconds later opened them. The guy was still there, and he looked very amused. “Ha ha ha ha! You think you can blink me away like some sort of boogeyman in your closet that’s really a sweater? You think if you turn on your nightlight I’ll disappear?” His smile fell, and it made him all the more chilling as he continued, “I’m not a figment of your imagination, boy. You cannot will me away back into your head from whence you’ve come. I could just kill you here and now…” he muttered, raising a claw-liked hand from the shadows and held it dangerously close to Chris’s throat, but then sighed and lowered it, shaking his head, his wicked grin returning, “… But that would take all the fun out of what’s to come. So go back to sleep, Chris. Pleasant nightmares…”
He disappeared as quick as he’d arrived, leading Chris to wonder what had even happened. And then he did something he hadn’t done since he was a little kid, “Dad!”
John burst into the room wielding a baseball bat, eyes wild as he looked around the room for some unseen intruder. When he noticed there was nothing he let out a sigh and shook his head, “Jesus Christ, Chris, you nearly gave me a heart attack. What’s wrong?”
Chris wasn’t sure what to say. Some crazy shadow creatures appeared out of nowhere and some guy threatened to kill me? No. No, all his dad would do is think he was crazy. Instead he forced himself to smile and shook his head, “S-Sorry, dad, I… I just had a really bad nightmare and, well… Guess it was about you? I can’t even remember what it was about, honestly, ha ha.”
John frowned, “You’re having the nightmares again?”
Chris blinked, “Wait, what? Again?”
John glanced away and shook his head, “Nevermind. You were little, and… It makes sense that you don’t remember. Just try to go back to sleep, alright? Tomorrow’s another day, okay? And you have about six more hours before you have to get ready for it. Sleep well, okay?”
Chris chuckled a little and nodded as his dad shut the door. “I will…” he murmured. Not, he added silently to himself, flopping back onto his pillow and staring up at his ceiling. He wasn’t going to be able to get back to sleep. Not any time soon. Not after all of… Well, whatever that had been. He still wasn’t a hundred percent sure, and it had literally just happened. His eyes stayed open no matter how hard he tried to close them, and even blinking felt nearly impossible at that point. By the time the sun had started to peek over the horizon he let out a sigh and shook his head, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. Time to get up and face another day in hell… he thought, trudging to the bathroom and jumping into the shower. After he got out and changed into a pair of clean jeans and a fresh tee shirt, he wandered into the kitchen where he saw his dad up and cooking breakfast. John glanced over his shoulder at his son and smiled, waving a little. “Morning, sport!” As Chris took a seat at the table his dad set a plate of Nutella stuffed waffles and bacon and eggs in front of him, and on the side, a glass of fresh orange juice. He placed an envelope into Chris’s hand, much to the surprise of his son. “What’s all this about?” he asked, a confused smile crossing his face.
“Happy birthday, kiddo,” John said, grinning and ruffling Chris’s hair. “Seventeen already. You’re making me feel old!” he joked.
Chris blinked, shaking his head and smiling a little, “Wow, I totally forgot. I guess life’s been so messed up for me right now that I didn’t have time to think about it. Thanks, dad.”
“Don’t thank me until you’ve opened the envelope,” John said cheerfully.
Chris tore open the envelope and pulled out a hundred dollar gift card to one of the stores in the mall. “Dad! This is… awesome! But…” he put down the card and looked up at John, “Can you afford this? I don’t want you to give me the money unless we’re okay.”
John put up his hand and shook his head, “Won it in a raffle at work. I didn’t think I’d win, but since I did… I couldn’t think of any better use to put it to then giving it to my son for his birthday. So today, first thing after you get out from school, you and me are gonna go to the mall and spend the whole afternoon together. How does that sound?”
Chris grinned and nodded, “That sounds great, dad. Thanks.”
John shook his head, “Don’t thank me. Now hurry up and eat so you can get to school. See you this afternoon. Love you, sport.”
Chris quickly finished his breakfast and then started for the door, shrugging on his backpack and heading outside. The day actually seemed like it wasn’t going to be as heinous as it had when he’d first gotten out of bed. But… That had been at home. Now he had to face the hellish beast that was school and the demons within its jaws. When he walked inside he was surprised that Jack wasn’t waiting to beat him up again. His swollen eye and bruised body were silently thankful for that fact. Still… He walked through the halls quietly and carefully, worried that at any moment Jack would jump out and toss him into the girls’ locker room with the words Happy Birthday Loser written across his forehead. The hair on the back of his neck was standing up and he shivered, but figured that was probably just because the school was so cold all the time.
As he entered geometry and took his seat, Mr. Gordon regarded him with a simple glance. Chris quickly noticed that Jack wasn’t in attendance today. What were the chances of that? Just how lucky was he going to get today? Marissa didn’t seem all that happy about it, though, as Chris glanced at her and saw that she was nervously tapping her combat-booted foot against the floor and scribbling furiously. What was her problem? Was she having some sort of anxiety attack? He considered going over and asking her if she was okay, but… He also had a feeling it was best to just leave her alone. Come to think of it… Something about the whole school today felt… off. He just hadn’t noticed it until looking at Marissa and realizing the hair standing up on the back of his neck wasn’t just because he was sort of cold. Something was really weird. Still, he didn’t want it to bother him too much. He just had to get through the day and then he could go to the mall with his dad. He was also determined to enjoy himself, no matter how strange things felt. After all, the night he’d had was way stranger than anything else.
After the blur that was his main classes, gym arrived, and Chris was very much looking forward to being able to play basketball without ending up in the hoop again. The other guys were actually being sort of decent to him and a few even wished him a happy birthday. That made for quite a nice change from the norm. He managed a few dunks before the bell rang and it was time for him to go to lunch, which, as it turned out, was the slightly seasoned red goo instead of the flavorless grey. He wouldn’t have to hold his nose while he ate it since it was at least somewhat palatable. And the carton of milk he’d grabbed wasn’t chunky and sour? Whoever was giving him such a great birthday, he was sure thankful for it. After he’d finished eating he was about to toss his tray and head to his next class early, but then he noticed a dollar bill stuck to the bottom of his sneaker. A dollar which he could use to buy an ice cream from the freezer. A really delicious ice cream, at that.
Man, screw having weird feelings, today’s been straight up awesome! he thought excitedly as he left the cafeteria. It was only then that he noticed the weird goth dude leaning against the lockers. The guy actually looked like he could’ve been Marissa’s brother with how similarly they dressed. He was scribbling something out in a sketchpad, making Chris wonder if he actually was related to Marissa. He raised his head, his raven hair falling away and revealing his eyes. Both the irises and the pupils were pitch black. He smiled wickedly and waved at Chris, “Hello, Mister Ursul. We meet at last, I see,” he muttered, his voice a deathly sort of calm that sent shivers Down Chris’s spine. “My father was very eager for me to be introduced to you, but, uh… Not until he decided. Still, I’ve never been one for patience. So let’s just cut to the chase. I’m here to transport you back to our center of operation, so do us both a favor and come quietly, hmm? I’d hate to do things the hard way.” He chuckled darkly, “Oh, who am I kidding? I’d love to do things the hard way. It’s always much more fun.” All around him shadows began to form from even the tiniest absence of light in the hall, and it swirled around him like some sort of inky nightmare tornado, pushing him right up to the top of it where in his hands he held fistfuls of the blackness. His eyes had turned completely black like that of a shark’s, lifeless and dark and spine-chilling.
Chris’s eyes widened, and he turned around and ran straight back into the cafeteria hoping he could get some help from anyone inside, and he didn’t care who. The goth boy followed suit, throwing open the doors and laughing loudly, “Chris Ursul! You think you can run away from me? I’m one of the most powerful shadow beings in the world! Son of the Lord of Darkness, himself! No one runs from me and escapes! It would be much better for you if you just came along quietly, and then nobody has to get hurt! What say you?”
Chris looked around at everyone, who were just eating as though nothing else was going on. He gestured wildly in the direction of the creepy guy and shouted, “Do none of you guys see that?!” to which he got a few snickers and whispers of “Ursul accidentally drank the expired milk again.”
Marissa, on the other hand, was the only one who seemed to not only notice, but be afraid of the boy dressed in black. From the pocket of her leather jacket she drew that fancy pen from the day before and opened her sketchbook. She clicked the pen and drew something in the air, gold glowing stuff coming from the tip and forming some sort of strange symbol. Marissa then grabbed the symbol and slammed it down onto her sketchbook page. Suddenly the entire book was enveloped in golden light and from it came the hummingbird woman Chris had seen her drawing the day before. Marissa’s eyes glowed with golden light as she pocketed the pen and tossed aside her sketchbook, the hummingbird woman mimicking her movements.
Goth boy clicked his tongue in clear disappointment as he looked at Chris with a raised eyebrow. “Wow. You won’t even fight your own battles? You leave that to a senior Abcreate. How pathetic. And here I thought you were better than that. Perhaps father made the wrong choice with you.”
“Hey!” Marissa shouted, drawing his attention back, “your fight is with me!”
Cracking his knuckles and letting out a sigh, goth boy sucked his teeth in disappointment, “How much duller this is going to be, but I suppose one must make do with what one has.” He threw up his hands, creatures from the inky black bursting from his fists, “Shadows! Destroy her avatar and take the boy!”
Creatures similar to the ones that had been in Chris’s room the night before all but filled the cafeteria, flying towards Marissa’s hummingbird woman while others went after Chris. Marissa dove towards him and shielded him with her body, her hummingbird woman blasting through the creatures like they were nothing more than puffs of smoke. She did daring combat moves that Chris had only seen in video games at the arcade and as more and more kept coming he noticed goth boy’s tornado was running out of steam until his feet were once again touching the floor. The white in his eyes had returned and he looked around in disbelief before letting out an angry growl. “Curse you! You might have foiled me this time, but I swear that I’ll be back! And next time…” He pointed at Chris, “You’re mine.” Swirling shadow formed around the boy and in the next moment it had dissipated, and he was gone.
Chris felt his mind going about a thousand miles a minute, and as he put his hand to his chest he realized that his heart was, too. The hummingbird woman disappeared in a shower of golden light, and Marissa turned around and glared at him before grabbing her sketchbook off the floor and using her free hand to seize Chris by the wrist. “Come with me,” she ordered sharply, dragging him out of the cafeteria and into the hall towards the front exit of the school. “Hey!” Chris exclaimed. “Where are you taking me?” he demanded as she pulled him out onto the street.
“I’ve been undercover at this school for years, and I never knew,” Marissa muttered, clearly to herself. “There were no signs. But there are always signs so this makes no sense!”
Chris managed to wrench himself from Marissa’s death grip and shouted, “Signs, what are you talking about?!” She turned on him and he threw his hands in the air. “Okay, these past twenty-four hours have been really stressful for me and so far I have received no explanations for any of the crazy stuff that’s happened to me! Who was that guy and why was he after me? What was with the crazy hummingbird lady and how did you even do all that glowy fighting stuff? And what was with the creepy shadow guy who showed up in my room with those dark monster things?! The day before yesterday my life was completely normal, or at least somewhat, and now it seems like everything’s going off the rails!” He planted his feet firm on the concrete and crossed his arms, “Now let’s get one thing straight. I am not going anywhere until I get some info.”
Marissa took in a breath and nodded, “I understand this might be really weird, but I promise once we get someone secure that I will explain everything. Chris, I know we don’t know each other that well at all but can you please just trust me for a minute? I wouldn’t be asking you this unless it was vital, okay?”
Chris was going to shoot back another remark, but seeing the concerned look in Marissa’s eyes was enough to convince him maybe he should just listen. He sighed reluctantly and dropped his arms, nodding, “Okay, let’s go wherever it is you’re trying to take me.”
Marissa took him by the hand and led him down street after street, making turn after turn, and after what seemed like forever they stopped at the side of a dilapidated building. Marissa opened her sketchbook and took out her pen, drawing a different symbol than previously and shoving it onto the page, then slamming her hand down onto the brick of the wall. A wooden door appeared under her palm and she stepped aside, gesturing for Chris to open the door and go inside. He was hesitant to do so, but all the same he wanted answers and he had a feeling this was the only way he was going to get any. He grabbed the knob and turned it, planting his foot on nothing as he fell down into a silvery shimmery lake. Weirdly enough he found he could breathe easily in the stuff and was actually floating down rather slowly with Marissa doing the same right beside him. As another door appeared in the distance below Marissa took his hand and grabbed the knob. The door fell sharply open sideways and Chris, not expecting that to happen, stupidly let go of Marissa’s hand and went tumbling right into a table of painter’s supplies. The jar of murky water that had been sitting there overturned and its contents were dumped right on top of Chris’s hair. It ran down the back of his hoodie and made him wince as he pulled it off. Marissa sighed and let go of the knob, elegantly sliding down and rolling right onto a couch.
As Chris stood up and gathered his bearings, he started to wonder just what sort of mess he’d gotten himself into. He was now in what looked like somebody’s home art studio. The smooth stone walls were lined with drawings and paintings and sculptures took up almost every flat surface. The green carpet was spattered with paint and remnants of clay. An empty fireplace sat in front of the couch, and on top of the mantle were various photos, one of which included Marissa, who was surprisingly blonde, and a slightly older woman who looked just like her. He figured it must’ve been her and her mom. On the table beside the couch was a lamp and craft magazines which looked super ancient. There were a few doors with each seeming to have muffled versions of different music genres along with varying decorations depending on the door. One had stickers with images from various fantasy novel and comic series, animals, and… a few for boy bands that had broken up years ago. Another had an entire nature scene painted on it that was so detailed Chris half expected the fawn in the grass to jump out at him. He also noticed one with a very intricate sketch of a house, and he could sort of make out actual measurements that the artist had done for the dimensions of the house.
He looked back at Marissa and noticed that she wasn’t there, now replaced by that woman in the picture before… who strangely enough had on the exact same outfit. She stood up and brushed herself off, “No, you are not imagining any of this. I am Marissa. This is the real me. A thirty-seven year-old woman with a daughter who’s seventeen,” she said, looking much more tired than she had before. “Of course I don’t actually dress like this these days. Just needed to blend in with the kids at your high school. And every high school has at least one resident goth.” She crossed her arms, “But right now we’re going to talk about you and why in all my years at that terrible institution I never noticed you were the Abcreate I was meant to go find.”
“Ab-what?” Chris muttered in confusion.
Marissa nodded, putting up her hand, “Right, one thing at a time, and I’m getting way too far ahead of myself. Abcreates, which is what I am and I suppose you, too, are certain people gifted with special abilities to do with art. Abcreate stands for Abnormally Creative, by the way. In my case I can draw things and literally have them leap off the page. Some other abcreates sculpt or paint and achieve the same result, bringing their creations to life to use them in combat. But one thing is consistent with every one of us. Whatever we bring to life our spirit inhabits until the battle is over, like an avatar of sorts, and everything is always one use only.” She opened her sketchbook to the page where the hummingbird woman had been and Chris was surprised to find it empty. She tossed it aside and continued, “We can also create special doors to our secret headquarters, one of which you and I just passed through. And we can allow our spirits to inhabit golems that can act as our physical bodies as long as we need, such as the one you were used to seeing which was crafted by our resident sculptor, Yu Yan. You’ll meet her later. Our jobs as Abcreates are to fight the Shadow Lord’s forces. Unfortunately it seems you’ve already been acquainted with him from what you shouted on the street. And he’s decided he wants to add you to his ranks. And now I need to find out why.”
Chris just barely managed to keep up with everything Marissa had loaded off on him, but he did get the gist. He looked down at his hands and frowned, “So… I’m one of these abcreates… And that creepy claw shadow guy who showed up in my room last night is after me. Well… This is one way to spend my birthday.”
Marissa’s eyes widened, “Birthday? It’s your birthday? And let me guess, today you turned seventeen?” Chris nodded and she smacked herself in the forehead, “Of course! No wonder he was planning on taking you today!” She clasped her hands together, “Abcreates develop the ability to use their powers when they turn seventeen. My daughter just got hers last year. But… That still doesn’t explain why you’re so important to the Shadow Lord and his idiot son Lysander. He could’ve tried to take me and would’ve been better off, meaning there’s something really special about you. But what I can’t seem to understand is what. Even when they can’t use their powers, abcreates are always dabbling in art one way or another, be it sculpting, painting, or drawing. But you… You never did any of that.”
Chris frowned, “Well… Sometimes I doodle in the margins of my notebook.”
“That’s not enough,” Marissa replied with a shake of her head. “Not enough to be an indicator of anything remarkable, anyway. However… Remarkable to the naked eye or not, you’re still in very major danger.” She pointed to a door labeled, Supplies, “But we’ll discuss more of that in there. We need to get you matched up with a spirit channeler.”